What do you write about "light?" How it's useful? How it symbolizes love and happiness and faith? I could say that, but I suppose I could also talk about how I feel light these days because I was once so dark when I was a teenager and again during my university years.
I associate darkness as being intrinsic in depression. I don't believe that I am clinically depressed, but I have also gone through definite slumps in my mood that could be described as a depressed mood. Prompt number 4 is "Dark," so I'll probably talk a lot more about that at that point, but today I want to talk about how I feel "light" and how I keep myself here.
Alex is a very important part of my happiness. I don't mean to sound like one of these girls who says that their boyfriend is the centre of their existence and all of that, because that's not true, at least not for me, but Alex has a very interesting aura about him that completely relaxes me. I can stop thinking about my stress and my worries and I feel a lot more optimistic when we are together and talking things through. Sometimes I get so involved in our time together that I can relax enough to nap which, as I well know, is not something that I've been able to do on my own for years.
I've also, on a more superficial level, been trying to steer myself away from black things and clothes and trying to dress in lighter colours with less deep makeup. I feel like whites and some of the light colours I've been using like pink and mint, are letting the girly, happy side of me show through so I can feel that lightness in my disposition and translate it into a state of mind that I can revel in and use to my advantage.
Having a purpose for my life is really helping as well. I know that I want to find myself in Vancouver again and I want to find the career that I'll be pursuing for the rest of my life there. Vancouver is much less industrial city, it's more aesthetically pleasing in my eye and I feel lighter and more optimistic there. Having that hope of going back keeps me focused and keeps me optimistic that everything's going to work out.
In general, I'm finding lightness to mean my optimism and well-being in life these days. I'm finding ways to make myself happy and to keep myself happy and that is making life easier, which I'm noticing quite profoundly this year; last semester was incredibly difficult and I was sad and depressed all the time and it was really difficult to keep myself motivated to get good grades (even though I was getting good grades). Being optimistic is giving me more of a will to live, which I'm sure everyone can agree is a good thing. I don't want to give up on life yet, and now I feel like I have a good reason not to give up.
No comments:
Post a Comment